Email republished without my sister’s permission or knowledge. What is she going to do, sue me?
Besides, it’s really funny.
It sounds like there is going to be so many people at Hages for thanksgiving. BOO! I just want to watch TV, eat, watch TV, eat, maybe a movie or TV then bed. No social interaction needed. And especially with people I really don’t know nor care about.
I know it is going to be a sit around all gay and merry and talk about all the good things going on in every ones life and how they love every thing and have no problems. I just bought a plane, I just got back from a month long journey to an Italian villa, I’m going on a rhino hunting expedition in Africa in two weeks, I just added 30,00 sq/ft to my house. BULL!! One is an alcoholic, one is a slut, one loves meth, one just got fired, one is addicted to Oreos, one has halitosis. The list goes on! You can’t fool me!
Plus I would like to have Thanksgiving dinner in my sweats or in pair of unbuttoned pants. Now we have to sit in something “nice” that restricts our maximum food intake. I think I might go buy “nice” pregnancy pants that have the stretchy front, and I advise you do the same, or wear a long sweater so no one can see your lack of manners in open pants. I also don’t want to fight with all of these Hoytie toytie people over the last scoop of mashed potatoes. I have a feeling they are not going to like me after that, trust me that last scoop is going to be mine no matter what gets in my way, a hand, arm, head, whatever, its not going to phase me.
I also don’t want to have to pass they food the “right” way, I want the route of least resistance. Just get it to me quickly, do not pass go, do not collect $200, do not stop at the talker with slow scooping abilities. Just pass it and pass it in a timely manner. If there happens to be the person that isn’t paying attention and stops the flow of food traffic by letting it sit next to their plate (which there usually is), I may ask them to leave or throw a roll and inform them I don’t have time for their inappropriate display of sheer ignorance. Get a move on it, it’s getting cold and I’m hungry.
The only positive note is the chance of getting trashed. But even that has a down side. You have to use a little tiny glass that makes it look like you are savoring the flavor of the alcohol and aren’t just sucking it down. Then you have to nonchalantly go back for seconds, thirds, fourth, fifth and only god knows how many we can really get down before dinner. Just give me the biggest cup you got, I will even opt out for a vase or mixing bowl if need be. There just might be an up side to our “wonderful thanksgiving dinner” after the drinks have kicked in, I think we need to bull shit the hell out of the people we don’t know. Tell them we have a growing nonprofit company where we’re taking the fur or the wool from sheep and we turn it into thread for homeless people to sew. And then they make it into cloth, which they, in turn sew it and make little shirts and pants for other homeless people to sell. We will call it Holy Shirts and Pants. And let them know we are always taking donations. What do you think?
All I want to do is eat, sleep and be merry, but by agenda has been interrupted and I’m not happy about it! And the very worst thing during this whole “experience” is we have to slap a stupid smile on our faces and laugh at non funny jokes. Lets revolt!
The Turkey loving, sweat pants wearing, bull shit telling, arm stabbing, potato hording, nap taking sister,