Christmas at the Hurst home

Tyler HurstBlog12 Comments

There was some confusion as to who gets what bed, as Bryan doesn’t have a bed in his room anymore.

Bryan called dibs on Tyler’s bed and gave Logan’s bed to Tyler. Read on for more.

To my foolish misguided brothers-

My name is Logan. I am your sister. I know you try to forget about me, for your jealousy can get the best of you, but you have to understand that love can not be forced, it comes naturally. LetÂ’s face it, Mom and Dad love me more, for I carry the best of both of them, for the two of you, they have to force themselves to love you the way one would have to force them self to dry swallow a vitamin. But this time your resentfulness has gone too far.
For 23 years I have lived in the bedroom between the two of you. It was purple until our Dad (yes we have the same one) painted it hunter orange, but that may have been a good idea for now you guys can not forget my presence. So, in this electric orange sorbet bedroom is a twin bed. Now in that same twin bed has slept your sister since she was in junior high and she loves it dearly. My question for the two of you is why is my sanctuary being handed out a like Mormon pamphlet? Have the two of you ever lived in the middle bedroom? What? Did you say no? Oh yeah that right, itÂ’s my god damn room and I will be the one sleeping on the twin bed in my road cone colored room. Bryan, who gave you the authority to donate my room? Just because your room had to be fumigated to rid the smell of sweat, rotting boots, your musty pencil collection and gold bond powder doesnÂ’t mean you get mine, there is nothing in there because Mom and Dad donÂ’t love you. And Tyler, do you even need a bed? When was
the last time you even slept in one? I will give you a Tylenol PM and the floor. ThatÂ’s the best accommodations we can provide. IÂ’m glad we have cleared this up before someone got upset on a day fill with comfort and joy. Recap, I will be sleeping in my room, on my bed because it is my room and my bed. LetÂ’s not let this little blunder happen again.

Next order of business is our activaties for Christmas Eve and Day. Law and Order will be limited to 2 hours per day. There will be no popcorn eating with in 25 feet of the Hurst residence. Video games are to be played from the hours of 1am to 8am, with quite time from 2am till 10am. Participation of after dinner dishes is mandatory for all. For the chatty KathyÂ’s of the group (you know who you are) talking will be capped at 15 minutes in a one hour time frame. Phone calls and text messages are to be restricted to your personal time which is 12am to 10am but please stay in compliance with quiet time regulations. Newspapers are not permitted in the restrooms. Toilet paper will be rationed; four to eight squares for women and nine squares for men. Plungers will not be provided, so you better think of another way to clear it out, yes that means your hand. Kitchen cabinets are to be closed with in 15 seconds of opening them. Combining laptops, cell phones, ipods, zip drives ect. to cons
truct a command center in the kitchen and/or living room is not allowed and frowned upon. Drinking of beer, wine, hard alcohol and malt liquor on the other hand is highly recommended. Consuming Zima with jolly ranchers, wine coolers or mikeÂ’s hard lemonade is banned and may result in a hate crime. If any of the above measures are not properly followed monetary action will be taken.

I will accept your apologies in an email or in person, depending on your level of disgrace/embarrassment. Payment for above violations can be directly transmitted to me.
Thank you and Merry Christmas.

Logan Hurst
Safety and Health Administrator
Environment, Health & Safety (EHS)

Tyler HurstChristmas at the Hurst home

12 Comments on “Christmas at the Hurst home”

  1. Nick Bastian

    that is an awesome letter… The Hurst holiday sounds like it is gonna be a blast. Have fun, my man…

  2. Nick Bastian

    that is an awesome letter… The Hurst holiday sounds like it is gonna be a blast. Have fun, my man…

  3. Julia

    Your sister is fucking awesome! I seriously love her, and she clearly has the superior sense of humor. You should soak up her skills while you are in close proximity to her. 😉

  4. Julia

    Your sister is fucking awesome! I seriously love her, and she clearly has the superior sense of humor. You should soak up her skills while you are in close proximity to her. 😉

  5. Steve Belt

    Logan, I don’t know you, just Tyler, but dang you sound like one cool cat. Funny enough my sister, brother and I were having some fun via email this holiday season. We don’t have a “parental housing establishment” that we go back to. Instead, the 3 of us fight over which house Christmas comes to each year, though we all live in the Phoenix area, so we are just fighting over who gets to make the turkey and keep the leftovers (a fight well worth winning!).

  6. Steve Belt

    Logan, I don’t know you, just Tyler, but dang you sound like one cool cat. Funny enough my sister, brother and I were having some fun via email this holiday season. We don’t have a “parental housing establishment” that we go back to. Instead, the 3 of us fight over which house Christmas comes to each year, though we all live in the Phoenix area, so we are just fighting over who gets to make the turkey and keep the leftovers (a fight well worth winning!).

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