Instructions from my sister to her roommate. Logan left for four entire days.

Taking care of my precious kitties, One and Two
(AKA Boy and Girl, Lucifer and Hades)

Taking care of One and Two is a huge responsibility, I hope you are ready to take this on. I have written out a detailed list of how to properly care for the health and happiness of my delightful children. Missing any of the following steps may result in a less than desirable outcome. I wish you all the luck in the world and know I can tell when they have been mentally and/or physically abused. Please handle with care.

1. One and Two are to be feed in the morning between the hours of 4am-7am. Softly pet each one 3 times and tell both of them individually “good morning my love”. Scoop ¼ cup of dry food from the jar, fill bowls, repeat. Each bowl shall contain ½ cup dry food. Gracefully pat each one on the head, tell them “have a magnificent day my sweets, I will hurry home to see you tonight”.

2. Check water level. It should not be less than 1 inch in the container. If water needs to be filled bring to sink, empty, and refill ONLY with Brita 42 degrees filtered water.

3. In the afternoon my pocket sized little ones like to play. Throw the soft ball for ½ hour every day with One and 15 minutes for Two. After a amusing game of “catch”, embrace One and Two in a soft gentle way. Tell them “I love you my sweet children, I hope you are having a wonderful day”.

4. At night, fill each bowl with one scoop (1/4 cup) each of dry cat food (no more, no less). If they look at you with needy eyes you can add a little water to their food. Again pet them softly and say “please enjoy your entrée).

These steps are crucial to insuring my felines are at peek performance. If you see a black devil cat tormenting my innocent kittens please put the nasty thing out side or lock it in your closet. My darlings can’t have that kind of stress in their lives; it may result in physiological distress and well as insomnia.

Good luck with this exciting adventure and know that my loving little kitties will let me know if you have mistreated them in any way.
Thank you,
Logan


If any problems arise please feel free to call me at 253-486-7272 or the local fire department.

Side Note:
I really don’t care what the hell you do with them just make sure they have food and water. You can fill all the bowls up if you don’t want to deal with it and just make sure they have water. You know how to do it! Thanks again, I owe you one!