(There is nothing like a Fantasy Football Auction Draft, but I’ve only participated in one. Here are even more ideas for my ultimate draft.)

Most of us are not athletes anymore. While we still love sports, the idea that we’d be able to play more than a few games of basketball, 7ish innings of softball or more than two hours of flag football is a stretch for anyone in their late 20s on who hasn’t kept up their physical prowess. But that’s okay, because we can live vicariously through fantasy sports.

My ultimate Fantasy Football Auction Draft takes the love of fantasy sports to an even higher level. ‘though I’ve already written my top 10 rules, there are plenty more you can use to make your draft fun. Or you can ignore them and make your own. Or modify mine. Either way, read them.

Rule #11
If you’re not the type to play with real money, find a worthy substitute. Coins, poker chips or monopoly money ups the fun every time. Nothing better than seeing a bunch of piles of money in front of guys competing to get the top draft picks.

Rule #12
Require everyone to wear team colors or apparel. Replica or real jerseys aren’t necessary, but tshirts/hats/sweatshirts definitely are. No, college sports apparel doesn’t count, ‘though it’s nice to see you still have some alumni pride.

Rule #13
Talk trash, damnit. Nothing better than getting in someone’s head and convincing them to bid a little too much or even stop bidding because they’re worried of overspending. After you’re done drafting, feel free to play some pool, but continue the smack talk.

Rule #14
Make side bets predicting the first five or ten players drafted. Yes, this can definitely be affected by those playing, but how awesome would it be to have someone way overspend to get the seventh pick because they put some money on it? Hilarity will ensue.

Rule #15
Get a beer fridge or have a cooler very close to the action. No one wants to head to the kitchen every ten minutes, nor do they want a warm beer because you had to double fist to save a trip.

Rule #16
Get an auctioneer who’s organized and can track picks, but isn’t going to pull a Micro Machine guy and talk so fast no one can understand while pressuring everyone to make quick decisions. I’m all for a time limit for bets, but speed and finishing on time isn’t important in my ultimate Fantasy Football Auction Draft.

Rule #17
Invite your friends. My Fantasy Football Auction Draft isn’t a time for small talk or a place to get acquainted, it’s a time to draft some football players. If you want to bring a new guy in, go out golfing or for beers first.

Rule #18
Don’t bring a football. I’m serious about this. If you do, someone will play catch inside and break something, or a game will break out in the backyard and the draft will never get finished. Also, you’re a douche if you do.

Rule #19
No one cares about pictures of your family or how work is going. My Fantasy Football Auction Draft is a time for sharing old sports stories, embellishing new ones and commiserating on bad drafts, not to show off your hot wife.

Rule #20
Never follow any rule too closely. No one likes the guy who shows up with a rule book, but they do appreciate the guy who has a working knowledge of the rules to explain idiosyncrasies with your draft. Oh, if you didn’t read the rules before you came, you kinda suck.

Can’t WAIT for the season.