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What happened to femininity?

by tdhurst · 102 comments

I’m all for equal rights. I think ladies should earn equal pay for equal work, they should be given the right to choose and have every right to look any way they want.

But every damn time I see you girls in pants–usually jeans–and a t-shirt, a little part of me dies inside. What happened to dressing like women? Why not sundresses (awwwww yeah)? Why not skirts? I’m not asking that you wear hooker heels and miniskirts every day, I’d prefer you didn’t, but what’s wrong with sundresses and a pony tail?

For years you ladies have fought to be more like men. For years you’ve asked us to get in touch with our feelings, but when it comes down to it, you want manliness. You want a rugged guy who can take charge when he needs to, be a man when you need him to be.

We get nothing. We get a generation of women raised by their parents with no idea how to cook, how to dress and how to keep up your half of the arrangement. I can cook, I can clean and I can dress, and far too many ladies I meet can barely take care of themselves. Ladies, you want me to cook and clean, you’d better be good at doing man things.

I have no problem with men learning more about women and women becoming more like men, but both sexes are inheriting the WORST qualities of the other. Men have learned to be overly sensitive, women have learned to be sloppy and be waited on. Knock it off.

I want femininity back. Ladies, stop pretending you’re us. We want someone that complements us. We want ladies, not manly women. For the love of god please stop dressing like us, too (all the time).

  • Bryan

    Sock it to ‘em dude! Bravo.

  • Bryan

    Sock it to ‘em dude! Bravo.

  • http://truthseekerscast.ning.com/ Dani

    Jeans and a T-shirt can be feminine. It’s about the woman wearing the clothes, not the clothes on the woman.

    It has become a pretty lazy generation, I’ll give you that.

  • http://truthseekerscast.ning.com Dani

    Jeans and a T-shirt can be feminine. It’s about the woman wearing the clothes, not the clothes on the woman.

    It has become a pretty lazy generation, I’ll give you that.

  • Genesis

    It’s good to know there are guys out there who feel this way. Sometimes I feel like guys want us to be wonderwoman…

    I want a man who is in touch with his sensitive side a bit, but I still want a MAN – strong and a hard worker…a guy who knows it’s ultimately his responsibility to provide for the most part.

  • Genesis

    It’s good to know there are guys out there who feel this way. Sometimes I feel like guys want us to be wonderwoman…

    I want a man who is in touch with his sensitive side a bit, but I still want a MAN – strong and a hard worker…a guy who knows it’s ultimately his responsibility to provide for the most part.

  • http://www.twinklergirl.com/ Cj

    When I married my husband I was the primary bread winner in the household. I left a successful career outside the home to stay home with my children. I do all of the cooking and cleaning AND I now have a successful career that allows me to stay home and continue to be as Mrs. Cleaver as I possibly can.

    You will rarely, if ever, see me in a tee-shirt if I’m out at a social event; grocery shopping and playdates don’t count. I may wear jeans, but I like do try to look my best when I’m out being social.

    So, I guess what I’m saying is that I appreciate your post and although I’m sure there are women out there who would be inclined to disagree – I don’t. I agree with you that just as men can be both manly and sensitive at the same time, women can also be feminine and strong at the same time.

    And you know what? It’s nice when men look and smell their best too.

  • http://www.twinklergirl.com Cj

    When I married my husband I was the primary bread winner in the household. I left a successful career outside the home to stay home with my children. I do all of the cooking and cleaning AND I now have a successful career that allows me to stay home and continue to be as Mrs. Cleaver as I possibly can.

    You will rarely, if ever, see me in a tee-shirt if I’m out at a social event; grocery shopping and playdates don’t count. I may wear jeans, but I like do try to look my best when I’m out being social.

    So, I guess what I’m saying is that I appreciate your post and although I’m sure there are women out there who would be inclined to disagree – I don’t. I agree with you that just as men can be both manly and sensitive at the same time, women can also be feminine and strong at the same time.

    And you know what? It’s nice when men look and smell their best too.

  • http://www.tylerhurst.com/ tdhurst

    Dani- I agree, at times they can. It really is the woman behind it.

    Genesis- No, I just want both sides to be equal. Women seem to have lost a lot of what they used to do, men have gained some.

    Cj- Well, you’re Wonder Woman, but we already knew that. I agree, many guys don’t try all that hard. What I’m upset about is that too many Gen Y ladies are losing what makes them female. This whole equality thing is for equal RIGHTS, but we don’t all have to act and dress alike.

  • http://www.tylerhurst.com tdhurst

    Dani- I agree, at times they can. It really is the woman behind it.

    Genesis- No, I just want both sides to be equal. Women seem to have lost a lot of what they used to do, men have gained some.

    Cj- Well, you’re Wonder Woman, but we already knew that. I agree, many guys don’t try all that hard. What I’m upset about is that too many Gen Y ladies are losing what makes them female. This whole equality thing is for equal RIGHTS, but we don’t all have to act and dress alike.

  • http://xavierism.typepad.com/ Xavierism

    I miss women that dressed like real women. One of my girlfriends will only wear jeans during the weekends. She has great legs and and they’re gems when she’s wearing pumps. If only more women were like her…

    I also miss men dressing like real men. What happened to slacks? Most men wear jeans…and not the right size. I’m spoiled by Hollywood’s glam of the 40′s. Women and men knew how to dress the part.

    Thanks for sharing!

  • http://xavierism.typepad.com/ Xavierism

    I miss women that dressed like real women. One of my girlfriends will only wear jeans during the weekends. She has great legs and and they’re gems when she’s wearing pumps. If only more women were like her…

    I also miss men dressing like real men. What happened to slacks? Most men wear jeans…and not the right size. I’m spoiled by Hollywood’s glam of the 40′s. Women and men knew how to dress the part.

    Thanks for sharing!

  • http://opalandtheidiot.tumblr.com opalandtheidiot

    here’s how it works:

    a woman who wants to attract “a rugged guy who can take charge when he needs to, be a man when [she] need[s] him to be” will wear a skirt.

    a woman who wants to attract an entirely different kind of guy who would never think of telling a woman what to wear, much less define himself as “rugged,” will wear whatever she wants.

    it works out pretty well.

  • opal

    here’s how it works:

    a woman who wants to attract “a rugged guy who can take charge when he needs to, be a man when [she] need[s] him to be” will wear a skirt.

    a woman who wants to attract an entirely different kind of guy who would never think of telling a woman what to wear, much less define himself as “rugged,” will wear whatever she wants.

    it works out pretty well.

  • http://www.urbanubiety.com/ Noelle

    I wanted to wear a skirt to work this morning. I really did. But it’s f-ing SNOWING in Seattle in March. I think people in the Northwest often dress for warmth. Sad, but true. I’m wearing slacks and a sweater. But just you wait. Dresses and skirts should be just around the corner.

    Interesting article, coined phrase and everything:
    http://www.observer.com/2008/urbane-tomboys

    I think it’s about comfort. About simplicity. About not being perceived as a “girly-girl.” And about being decidedly low-maintenance.

    But I also see more of a slide back to a sort of retro-femininity. I have more and more conversations with girlfriends about cooking and cleaning. I own 3 aprons! I see updates from friends on FB about baking and knitting and making fabulous meals. Just look at the success of Mad Men – I see guys wanting to be Don Draper. And women wanting to look like Joan Holloway.

    I agree that it’s the woman behind the clothes. I also think there’s a distinction between wearing baggy jeans and a man’s t shirt, and wearing jeans that hug every curve and a feminine top (that happens to be short-sleeved).

  • http://www.urbanubiety.com Noelle

    I wanted to wear a skirt to work this morning. I really did. But it’s f-ing SNOWING in Seattle in March. I think people in the Northwest often dress for warmth. Sad, but true. I’m wearing slacks and a sweater. But just you wait. Dresses and skirts should be just around the corner.

    Interesting article, coined phrase and everything:
    http://www.observer.com/2008/urbane-tomboys

    I think it’s about comfort. About simplicity. About not being perceived as a “girly-girl.” And about being decidedly low-maintenance.

    But I also see more of a slide back to a sort of retro-femininity. I have more and more conversations with girlfriends about cooking and cleaning. I own 3 aprons! I see updates from friends on FB about baking and knitting and making fabulous meals. Just look at the success of Mad Men – I see guys wanting to be Don Draper. And women wanting to look like Joan Holloway.

    I agree that it’s the woman behind the clothes. I also think there’s a distinction between wearing baggy jeans and a man’s t shirt, and wearing jeans that hug every curve and a feminine top (that happens to be short-sleeved).

  • Kelley

    They’re not dressing like you, Tyler. You dress like a woman.

  • Kelley

    They’re not dressing like you, Tyler. You dress like a woman.

  • http://www.tylerhurst.com/ tdhurst

    Noelle- of course weather dictates most dressing options. I just believe that the sexes are inheriting the WORST qualities of the other and that’s not a good thing.

  • http://www.tylerhurst.com tdhurst

    Noelle- of course weather dictates most dressing options. I just believe that the sexes are inheriting the WORST qualities of the other and that’s not a good thing.

  • Genesis

    I would also like to add that I am tired of Men dressing in wrinkled T shirts or ripped/baggy jeans and the messy hair look. Did you just get out of bed? Stop looking like shit.

  • Genesis

    I would also like to add that I am tired of Men dressing in wrinkled T shirts or ripped/baggy jeans and the messy hair look. Did you just get out of bed? Stop looking like shit.

  • http://www.tylerhurst.com/ tdhurst

    Genesis-
    I’ll give you the tshirts and ripped/baggy jeans, but I know you aren’t talking about MY hair.

  • http://www.tylerhurst.com tdhurst

    Genesis-
    I’ll give you the tshirts and ripped/baggy jeans, but I know you aren’t talking about MY hair.

  • Marc

    Hey, kid, you wouldn’t know what feminism is even if it walked right in front of you and smacked you in the face. Oh, and stop with refering to women as “you ladies,” it’s pretty fucking condescending.

    You’re in for a ruth awakening if you think feminism gives a shit about what you prefer women to wear, or that they’re here for your own viewing pleasure. Either take a woman for what she wants to wear, or shut the fuck up.

    Women don’t want to “be like men.” They want the same privileges and respect that are given to men – maybe that’s the part of feminism you missed. The next time time you feel you want “femininity” back or want to see someone in a dress, go fucking buy one and wear it, because women don’t give a shit about what you want when it comes to their personal choices – and as well they shouldn’t.

  • Marc

    Hey, kid, you wouldn’t know what feminism is even if it walked right in front of you and smacked you in the face. Oh, and stop with refering to women as “you ladies,” it’s pretty fucking condescending.

    You’re in for a ruth awakening if you think feminism gives a shit about what you prefer women to wear, or that they’re here for your own viewing pleasure. Either take a woman for what she wants to wear, or shut the fuck up.

    Women don’t want to “be like men.” They want the same privileges and respect that are given to men – maybe that’s the part of feminism you missed. The next time time you feel you want “femininity” back or want to see someone in a dress, go fucking buy one and wear it, because women don’t give a shit about what you want when it comes to their personal choices – and as well they shouldn’t.

  • http://www.tylerhurst.com/ tdhurst

    Marc- Thank you for responding so intelligently. Glad to have people like you around to set me straight.

  • http://www.tylerhurst.com tdhurst

    Marc- Thank you for responding so intelligently. Glad to have people like you around to set me straight.

  • http://www.fillslashstroke.com/ md

    Would this have such a negative reaction if it were “What happened to chivalry” and written by a women?

    I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with what’s being said here. People have chosen to take it one step further, as if the idea of girls having a comfortable relationship with a past idea of fashion/femininity somehow means ALL past ideas are inseparable from it. Wearing dresses suddenly means being a stay at home mom who can’t vote?

    You can like the idea of wearing jackets, dress coats and a hat for men, without it turning into a smoking/drinking/racism/homophobia fest a la Mad Men. The same goes for what Tyler has said here.

    People are getting upset about an idea associated with ideas from a certain time that are, though related, not connected to the point of a complete lack of an ability to distinguish between them.

  • http://www.fillslashstroke.com md

    Would this have such a negative reaction if it were “What happened to chivalry” and written by a women?

    I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with what’s being said here. People have chosen to take it one step further, as if the idea of girls having a comfortable relationship with a past idea of fashion/femininity somehow means ALL past ideas are inseparable from it. Wearing dresses suddenly means being a stay at home mom who can’t vote?

    You can like the idea of wearing jackets, dress coats and a hat for men, without it turning into a smoking/drinking/racism/homophobia fest a la Mad Men. The same goes for what Tyler has said here.

    People are getting upset about an idea associated with ideas from a certain time that are, though related, not connected to the point of a complete lack of an ability to distinguish between them.

  • http://truthseekerscast.ning.com/ Dani

    Geez, one guy with a blog says he likes the way women look in a dress, and some think it’s the end of equality as we know it. In this chick’s opinion, political-correctness is a rather silly concept.

    Men and women are different. We have different genetic make-ups, in order to appeal to the opposite sex (for the most part). There is nothing wrong with someone having a thing for women in sundresses.

    My real beef with this beyond how women dress, is “We get nothing.” I honestly don’t think that’s the case, although as I said up at the top in the comments I do agree this generation has become decidedly lazier. Maybe this is a more relevant issue to discuss?

  • http://truthseekerscast.ning.com Dani

    Geez, one guy with a blog says he likes the way women look in a dress, and some think it’s the end of equality as we know it. In this chick’s opinion, political-correctness is a rather silly concept.

    Men and women are different. We have different genetic make-ups, in order to appeal to the opposite sex (for the most part). There is nothing wrong with someone having a thing for women in sundresses.

    My real beef with this beyond how women dress, is “We get nothing.” I honestly don’t think that’s the case, although as I said up at the top in the comments I do agree this generation has become decidedly lazier. Maybe this is a more relevant issue to discuss?

  • http://modite.com/blog Rebecca

    I don’t like your post at all. And if I would have read it any other day besides today I’m sure I wouldn’t have been that nice.

    But today, I wore a dress to work. And I keep getting complimented. Funny, I feel sexier and more competent in my tight black jeans than this dress, but men obviously like the dress. I think that shows men haven’t evolved all that much, not women :)

    Besides, most women dress far better than men, and that’s true in my office and social life as well. Good debate, always controversial.

  • http://modite.com/blog Rebecca

    I don’t like your post at all. And if I would have read it any other day besides today I’m sure I wouldn’t have been that nice.

    But today, I wore a dress to work. And I keep getting complimented. Funny, I feel sexier and more competent in my tight black jeans than this dress, but men obviously like the dress. I think that shows men haven’t evolved all that much, not women :)

    Besides, most women dress far better than men, and that’s true in my office and social life as well. Good debate, always controversial.

  • http://www.twinklergirl.com/ Cj

    I agree with Dani.

    Also, specifically, just as Tyler may think women look more feminine or even possibly more attractive in a sundress, there are plenty of guys who are turned on by women in overalls, uniforms, formal gowns… etc. I don’t think he was saying all the girls should put on sundresses and prance around.

    A woman who is comfortable in her own skin is going to be more attractive wearing jeans and a tee-shirt than a woman who feels self-conscious no matter what she’s wearing.

    I think some women believe that being feminine makes them appear weak and that just isn’t the case.

    Laziness – yes, Dani, I see it in all generations of men and women and increasingly so. Services and electronic luxuries of today are definitely contributors.

    I do know of women who are housewives and take care of the kids, but Dad works outside the home and then he comes home to do the cooking and cleaning as well. Whether or not anyone is lazy in those homes is none of my business, but I see a lot more men taking over the previously assumed women’s roles. I’m not judging by any means – if it works for them, then that’s great. I’ve told my husband time and again that he looks damn sexy pushing that mop around the kitchen floor. ;-)

  • http://www.twinklergirl.com Cj

    I agree with Dani.

    Also, specifically, just as Tyler may think women look more feminine or even possibly more attractive in a sundress, there are plenty of guys who are turned on by women in overalls, uniforms, formal gowns… etc. I don’t think he was saying all the girls should put on sundresses and prance around.

    A woman who is comfortable in her own skin is going to be more attractive wearing jeans and a tee-shirt than a woman who feels self-conscious no matter what she’s wearing.

    I think some women believe that being feminine makes them appear weak and that just isn’t the case.

    Laziness – yes, Dani, I see it in all generations of men and women and increasingly so. Services and electronic luxuries of today are definitely contributors.

    I do know of women who are housewives and take care of the kids, but Dad works outside the home and then he comes home to do the cooking and cleaning as well. Whether or not anyone is lazy in those homes is none of my business, but I see a lot more men taking over the previously assumed women’s roles. I’m not judging by any means – if it works for them, then that’s great. I’ve told my husband time and again that he looks damn sexy pushing that mop around the kitchen floor. ;-)

  • http://www.urbanubiety.com/ Noelle

    One person’s efficiency is another person’s laziness.

    Then there are those sick of being marketed to and wanting to be allowed to just be comfortable with who we are and not have to mask it with the latest lotions and potions.

    Google “Is Chivalry dead?” People love to talk about and get all worked up about these gender role topics.

    Ultimately, I think it’s about being comfortable with one’s self – male or female. Don’t wear a skirt because Tyler tells you to. Wear it because you want to.

  • http://www.urbanubiety.com Noelle

    One person’s efficiency is another person’s laziness.

    Then there are those sick of being marketed to and wanting to be allowed to just be comfortable with who we are and not have to mask it with the latest lotions and potions.

    Google “Is Chivalry dead?” People love to talk about and get all worked up about these gender role topics.

    Ultimately, I think it’s about being comfortable with one’s self – male or female. Don’t wear a skirt because Tyler tells you to. Wear it because you want to.

  • http://funanymore.com/ Evo Terra

    Yeah, and what ever happened to the milkman? Or when kids came out and pumped your gas for you? And when we had to chop our own firewood to heat our homes? Or kill our own food? Or fight off rivals so we could lead the troop? Or learn to extract oxygen straight from the atmosphere?

    Welcome to Change. Pining for the past won’t bring it back. Fads and styles may come back, but forward is the only way.

    Perhaps a more fruitful discussion centers around how masculinity and femininity are evolving in today’s world?

    (Not that I don’t dig a dress that barely fits, you understand…)

  • http://www.tylerhurst.com/ tdhurst

    Rebecca- Smart, capable, take charge women who can dress well should be ruling the world. Not sure why they’re not yet.

    Noelle- EXACTLY. It’s more important to BE the part than act the part. Too often I see people acting, rather than being.

  • http://funanymore.com Evo Terra

    Yeah, and what ever happened to the milkman? Or when kids came out and pumped your gas for you? And when we had to chop our own firewood to heat our homes? Or kill our own food? Or fight off rivals so we could lead the troop? Or learn to extract oxygen straight from the atmosphere?

    Welcome to Change. Pining for the past won’t bring it back. Fads and styles may come back, but forward is the only way.

    Perhaps a more fruitful discussion centers around how masculinity and femininity are evolving in today’s world?

    (Not that I don’t dig a dress that barely fits, you understand…)

  • http://www.tylerhurst.com tdhurst

    Rebecca- Smart, capable, take charge women who can dress well should be ruling the world. Not sure why they’re not yet.

    Noelle- EXACTLY. It’s more important to BE the part than act the part. Too often I see people acting, rather than being.

  • http://www.urbanubiety.com/ Noelle
  • http://www.urbanubiety.com Noelle
  • http://www.tylerhurst.com/ tdhurst

    Evo- I don’t think femininity and masculinity are evolving, I think they’re mixing and diluting each other. That’s the disappointing part. We can and should be better.

    I’d say you and your wife are exactly who I’m NOT talking about.

  • http://www.tylerhurst.com tdhurst

    Evo- I don’t think femininity and masculinity are evolving, I think they’re mixing and diluting each other. That’s the disappointing part. We can and should be better.

    I’d say you and your wife are exactly who I’m NOT talking about.

  • Evan

    What actually is ‘masculine’ and what is ‘feminine?’
    If they have straight definitions, it’s definitely not up to YOU to create them.

    Women didn’t fight to become men. They fight to be treated like humans. They wanted to have the same rights as men. Hell, they’re still fighting the good fight.
    And to call women ‘you ladies’ is very rude. How about just omitting that?

    Jeans are much more practical than dresses and I see no reason why a woman must wear a dress. She can look just as feminine in jeans and a tee-shirt. Most of the women I know loathe skirts and dresses and would prefer to wear pants.

    And how the fuck would you know that women of this generation are being raised to be lazy? All the women I know can cook and clean like nobody’s business, as well as mow the lawn, and use tools. It’s the males that don’t know how or just decide they’re too goddamn lazy to help out, and they’re getting away with it. Women don’t get away with being lazy.

    And, funny, most women don’t want a rugged man who takes charge. They want a man who will see them as an equal partner in a relationship.

    Perhaps you should get off your contradictory high-horse and realize that equal rights means just that. Males can act like “women” and females can act like “men.”
    There aren’t any genetic reasons that force us to be feminine or masculine. It’s society and culture. The only thing gender gives us are physical traits and some hormones. Those don’t decide if we’re lazy, good at math, or a great bargain shopper.

  • Evan

    What actually is ‘masculine’ and what is ‘feminine?’
    If they have straight definitions, it’s definitely not up to YOU to create them.

    Women didn’t fight to become men. They fight to be treated like humans. They wanted to have the same rights as men. Hell, they’re still fighting the good fight.
    And to call women ‘you ladies’ is very rude. How about just omitting that?

    Jeans are much more practical than dresses and I see no reason why a woman must wear a dress. She can look just as feminine in jeans and a tee-shirt. Most of the women I know loathe skirts and dresses and would prefer to wear pants.

    And how the fuck would you know that women of this generation are being raised to be lazy? All the women I know can cook and clean like nobody’s business, as well as mow the lawn, and use tools. It’s the males that don’t know how or just decide they’re too goddamn lazy to help out, and they’re getting away with it. Women don’t get away with being lazy.

    And, funny, most women don’t want a rugged man who takes charge. They want a man who will see them as an equal partner in a relationship.

    Perhaps you should get off your contradictory high-horse and realize that equal rights means just that. Males can act like “women” and females can act like “men.”
    There aren’t any genetic reasons that force us to be feminine or masculine. It’s society and culture. The only thing gender gives us are physical traits and some hormones. Those don’t decide if we’re lazy, good at math, or a great bargain shopper.

  • jak

    What happened to men wearing well-fitting three piece suits everywhere?

    More to the point, why should I care that you want me to be more feminine? I’d rather be seen as competent and strong any day.

    I wish that a woman in any clothes could be seen as both feminine and competent. When you look at a woman, however she’s dressed, you shouldn’t just see “female.” you should see “entire accomplished person.”

  • jak

    What happened to men wearing well-fitting three piece suits everywhere?

    More to the point, why should I care that you want me to be more feminine? I’d rather be seen as competent and strong any day.

    I wish that a woman in any clothes could be seen as both feminine and competent. When you look at a woman, however she’s dressed, you shouldn’t just see “female.” you should see “entire accomplished person.”

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