There are so, so many things I’ve wanted to know about people who aren’t like me. If you’re a woman, a minority, not from the US or really anything but a 31-year-old white dude from Seattle who now lives in AZ, I want to know what makes you tick.
The Champ at VerySmartBrothas.com helped with the black people questions. Ladies, you’re up next.
1. Why are you always cold?
My girl sleeps in pants and a shirt, smothers herself in the covers, likes the thermostat at 80 and showers in water that would scald me. WHY?! Seeing as how women are more likely to have higher body fat percentages, shouldn’t they be equipped not to be cold? And this isn’t just a skinny woman problem. So, what’s up? Do you ever get hot? Why am I sweating while clad only in boxers while you radiate heat while you sleep yet never complain about being too hot?
2. Why would you wear high heels unless you absolutely had to?
I get what high heels do. I accept that they make women’s legs look great in dresses and skirts. What I don’t get is why you’d ever wear heels unless you were specifically dressing up. Heels with jeans? Shorts? Does it REALLY look that good? You know that’s not comfortable, and I guarantee most guys don’t care 99% of the time, so what’s up?
3. Why the faces? Why cock your head?
The duck face and the head lean are rampant. I see it everywhere. Ladies, some of you I have no issue with, but as for the rest of you…what is up with the faces you make in the camera? Why do you always lean your head to a side?
4. Why can’t you cook?
Back in the day the women cooked and the man worked. As we’ve moved out of the dark ages, men have learned to cook, take care of the kids and other domestic duties previously handled by women. Women have assimilated themselves into the job force, attend college in higher numbers than guys and are, for the most part, treated equally in nearly every way. Yet there are more women now that can’t cook than I’ve ever seen. Dudes can cook now, but ladies, why can’t you? Is this your way of getting back at society? (note that sharing is the best way to handle any domestic duty. I do not believe any one person should be responsible for the same chore every single time. Well, except breastfeeding.)
5. Why don’t you wear ponytails all the time?
Many dudes – okay, Hispanic/Latino and White guys – long to grow out their hair long enough to put it in a ponytail. It looks kinda tough, a bit worldly and you can have product discussions with the ladies. But women seem to do anything they can from putting their hair in a ponytail, but here’s a not-so-secret secret: dudes love ponytails. It shows the lady is low-maintenance and fun. High ponytails are also distinctly feminine. We love it. Why do so many women fight it so?
6. What’s the deal with words on your asses?
I’m sure those ultra-short workout shorts are comfy, but do you really need something across the ass? This looked weird when you did it in college and it looks ridiculous now. No man wants any part of that and I bet all the other girls hate you.
7. Why the sexual double standard?
Girl sleeps with a few dudes, she’s a slut. Girl says something bad about you, you call her a slut, which must mean that sleeping with a few dudes is bad. Why? You don’t care when us guys do it – unless we’re hitting some serious triple digits – so why do you care that someone of your gender does it? Are you jealous? Are you ashamed?
8. Why do you hate each other, yet pretend not to?
The amount of women who I’ve heard say they hate someone and then immediately turn around and talk to them is ridiculous. Not that they’re liars, although they are lying a bit, or that they’re two-faced, because I don’t think they’re meaning to be mean, but it’s weird. Seems to happen to more girls than guys, ‘though dudes do it too. We do it because we’re intimidated OR to show power. Yep, either one and no, I can’t tell you how to spot either.
9. What kind of underwear is actually most comfortable for you?
I know you can get used to thongs or no one would wear them, but they can’t be comfortable to wear. Couple that with women wearing low-cut jeans often showing off their butt crack and I get why thongs aren’t standard. But what are? What cuts do you like? What do lace and other fancy fabrics feel like? Are granny panties comfy?
10. Why haven’t you taken over the world yet?
We all hear that women are better in groups, better at handling children, better at learning and better at nearly everything that doesn’t require physical strength (even then there are exceptions), so why are you not in charge of everything yet? You are the heads of households, no matter how much money you make. You control the budgeting. You raise the kids. What’s stopping you?
Boy, that was fun.
(Disclaimer: if you’re offended by the nature of my questions, that’s cool, but my intent was not to imply anything by asking these. If you somehow think this is my way of saying “women should cook for me,” you’re wrong. Please either answer the questions honestly or go rant on your own blog. To all of the women who’ve answered, thank you.)